Diary of Lily Evans
by Yunara
Summary: Follow Lily Evans, 5th year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, as she goes through crushes, dances, discoveries, and much more. LJ
1. Chapter 1

Alright, let's just pretend that James and Lily were born in 1960 and they had Harry when they were 20, mmkay?

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING. At all. Except for the plot for this story, and whatnot…

Diary of Lily Evans

_October 19th, 1975_

Hey.

You know what I can't stand? Or rather, WHO I can't stand? Let me give you a hint- it starts with 'J' and ends with 'ames Potter'. That stupid prick was at it AGAIN today. In potions he kicked my bench forward just as I was leaning over my cauldron to pour the tiny bit of dried baby's breath, and I accidentally added 10 times the proper amount as a result. It EXPLODED in my face. He and Sirius were laughing their arses off about it. Uuurgh… I swear, that… DEMON has nothing better to do than torment me.

Also, it didn't help that Professor Davies took away 50 points from Gryffindor for causing the explosion and wasting the baby's breath. URGH!

In other news, I think I may be getting a crush! On who, you may ask? Well… Alright, I have to check that no ones looking. I haven't even told Amy yet.

Sigh. Guess who just happened to be reading over my shoulder? James-sodding-Potter. And I know you're still reading this, even though I told you to go away, Potter.

I guess I'll continue later, when certain wastes of flesh aren't poking into my private matters.

Later 

Back. Ugh. Anyways.

I'm getting a crush on… Remus! I know, I know, surprising. I think he may like me back, actually. He's always really nice and sweet to me, and he's pretty clever too. And mature, unlike his dunderhead friends. He's not bad looking, either. Not hot, more… cute. Yeah.

So, like I said before, I haven't told anyone, including Amy, yet. She always makes such a big deal out of these things. Almost as bad as Nadya Dulai (AN: Parvati's mom… in my world.). She's convinced that I'm in love with James, though. As IF! I'd have to be blind, stupid, and out of my rocker to ever like an arse like him.

Anyways, I went to the library (that's where I am now… figured James would never voluntarily set foot in here) to get some homework done, so I guess that's what I should do.

Later 

Oh. My. Gosh. My world has just imploded, been lit up, and had a happy little choir singing Christmas carols around it, all in the span of the last half hour or so. I'll start from the beginning.

We went down for dinner, and Dumbledore announced that there was going to be a Halloween ball. Yay! I love balls and dances. They're so much fun! And people dress up. This can be prove to be very entertaining, depending on if people you know look great or absolutely horrid. Eye candy, or dark amusement. That was the bit with the 'world being lit up'.

Then, James asks me really loudly (unfortunately, him and his band of merry men had chosen to sit a few seats down and across from my friends and I) "So, Evans, you gonna ask your crush out to the ball?" I mean LOUDLY. Like the Slytherins could probably hear it, and they were two tables down. I played dumb (because my friends were oblivious to this whole me-crushing-on-Remus thing) and was like "What are you talking about, Potter? I don't have a crush." Then, he proceeded to exclaim, "Oh really? That's funny. I didn't know you lied to your diary. How odd." And then, rattled off EXACTLY what I had written about my crush that he had seen. Which, considering, really wasn't that much. Just basically saying that I had a crush and no one knew. So, that doesn't really explain why the majority of people around me either went "Oooooh, who is he, Lily?" Or, starting laughing hysterically. Okay, maybe the whole James-imitating-me-in-a-ridiculously-high-voice thing may have started the laughter. But seriously, it wasn't a big deal. Crowd mentality, damn you! So, I was sitting there, steadily turning as red as my hair, while the girls poked and prodded at me, and the guys laughed their arses off. I excused myself and all but sprinted out of the Great Hall. That was the 'world imploding' part.

Then, while I was cursing darkly and walking furiously back to Gryffindor Tower, I heard footsteps behind me. That's one of the gifts and curses of having stone floors, you can hear anyone who's coming. I assumed it was James, or my friends, coming to pester me more, so I groaned loudly and started to run. Which, considering I was wearing a skirt, dress shoes, and an under wire bra, this was very, very, VERY awkward, uncomfortable, and not nearly as fast as I can run. They called after me to wait, and I stopped recognizing that it was (none other than) Remus. He caught up to me and apologized for what James had said. He was like, "Look, I don't know why James did what he did, but I didn't know anything about it. If I did, I would've tried to stop him. Are you okay?" Awww! Can he get any sweeter? I told him that James was an arse, but yes, I was fine, and thanks, it wasn't his (Remus') fault. He offered to come back to the common room with me (awwww!) but I said that I was fine. He left and I started walking very cheerfully to the common room. That was the 'happy little choir singing Christmas carols around my world' part.

To answer James question, hell yeah, I'm going to ask Remus to the ball. Now, the only problem is, how…

_October 20th, 1975_

I hate Muggle Studies. I really do. I only signed up for it to get the OWL and possibly NEWT credit, so if I want to do Muggle Relations for a career, I'll be able to.

The reason I hate it so much is that it's so… CONDESCENDING. I mean, they look at Muggles like they're another SPECIES, not just a different sort of person. If you ask me, comparing the Muggle and Witch/Wizard world, I think Muggles have made far more advances. I mean, the Magic world has always had magic. I'm not saying magic solves everything, but comparing the fact that Muggles had nothing but nature to build from, and Witches and Wizards have always had a bit of a head start with their powers.

Anyways, the only part of Muggle Studies that I can stand is the fact that Remus is in there. Just bear with my girly side for a minute. This is the only time that I can talk to him usually without James, Sirius, and Peter tagging along with him. Plus, I can help him, since I'm Muggleborn. Thank God, Professor Reed put Remus and me next to each other in his new seating plan. Plus, the clock is in the direction of his head, so I can stare at him while pretending to watch the clock. It's no secret that I hate Muggle Studies, so my classmates, including Remus, won't think this is odd. Well, except maybe to Professor Reed, but hey, if I get extra marks because he thinks I love it, great.

Of course, me in all of my stupidity realized, just as the class was ending, that Muggle Studies is the perfect opportunity to ask Remus out! Unfortunately. I have Muggle Studies only on Tuesday and Thursday, and today is Thursday. So, I have to wait until Tuesday to ask him out. That's a whole 5 days away! That's 5 days for Remus to ask someone else out, or for someone else to ask him out! Well, I guess that means I'll just have to plan this plot out well.

Alright, I better head off to Care for Magical Creatures.

Later 

Well, that was a total and utter DISASTER.

Today in CfMC, we were learning about Hippogriffs. James, of course, being the arrogant show-off that he is, volunteered to go first. And, of course, seeing as how Fate hates me, and loves to smack me in the face, he got it after about 2 seconds. No hassle at all. Arse. Then, we all got a try at one, and, of course, OF COURSE, I have to get the one that's previous owner, a redheaded woman, had abused him. So, of course, this Hippogriff tries to KILL me. The only reason I'm not either dead or near-to in the hospital wing is because Potter's Hippogriff happens to be FRIENDS with mine, and calls it off. I was already scared shitless/angry, because a)I WAS NEARLY SMASHED INTO HIPPOGRIFF KIBBLE and b)Potter SAW me nearly smashed to Hippogriff kibble. Just what I need, yet ANOTHER thing that he can tease and torment me about. Later on, to top EVERYTHING off, I find out that he TOLD THE HIPPOGRIFF TO CALL THE OTHER ONE OFF! I do NOT need his pity. Okay, maaaaybe I needed it not to die, but SOD IT, HE PITIED ME! I HATE pity, and I especially hate it when someone I hate, no, DESPISE, pities me.

UUUUUUUUUURGH! I need to go scream into a pillow.

Later 

Well, it was inevitable. Amy finally caught up with me and started interrogating me to see who I like. I finally cracked after about an hour of poking, prodding, pleading, and whining (alright, I tried to make it all P's, but YOU try to come up with another word for whining that starts with P!) and told her that I liked Remus. She was surprised. She, of course, was like, "Oh, I thought for sure it would be James." When I proceeded to scream and rant at her about how he was a waste of life and how I would love to see him die a very slow, painful, preferably fiery death, she just smiled and said, "There's a thin line between hate and love." Yes, it's official, she's lost it.

To add to my mounting pile of evil today, I had Transfiguration. Normally, I love Transfiguration. Used to be my second favourite subject, after Charms. But this year… THIS year… McGonagall decided it would be rather funny if she partnered me up with my sworn mortal enemy for the ENTIRE YEAR. In case you've fallen asleep or just forgot, this would be Potter. To make it worse, Transfiguration seems to be his forte! You know, besides making my life a living hell. So, he's there, showing off, while anything I do, normally excellent, seems like the work of Peter Pettigrew next to his. For example, today we were transfiguring footstools into toadstools, and mine was SEEMINGLY perfect. 'Seemingly' being the key word here. But as I looked over at his, I realized mine was still the red-velvet colour of the footstool, while his was a yellowish-green colour. Yet. Again. He. BEAT ME. McGonagall just happens to come over while I'm glaring at his flawless toadstools, and she says, "Nice work, Potter. 10 points to Gryffindor. Miss Evans, you should perhaps look at Potters, if you wish to even further up your mark." CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! I. HATE. THAT. SODDING. PRICK.

I wonder how my day can get worse.

Later 

Of course. I should've foreseen this.

Just got out of History of Magic. I swear, this has been one of the worst days of my life. I'll tell you what happened.

Potter, is what happened. He flung notes at me the entire time. Well, not flung. I flung them. He levitated them. Show-off. I'll write down the conversation. I still have the note paper (though however crumpled it may be).

**Evans.**

_Potter._

**Who do you like?**

Why do you care! 

**Because I do.**

_That's not an answer._

**Neither is that.**

_Look, I'm not going to tell you who I like, so if that's what you set out to do, bugger off._

**How do you know that I don't just want to irritate you?**

_I think you want to do both._

**Oh, aren't you clever.**

_Go annoy someone else._

**But you're so much fun to annoy!**

_Bugger OFF._

**I WOULD send a note to Snivelus, actually, but he's figured out that it's wise to put up a Shield Charm during History of Magic.**

_Hm, that is a good idea. I think I'll do that. Bye then._

**You can't. :)**

Hey… WHERE'S MY WAND, POTTER? 

**How would I know that? Really, Evans, you must learn to keep track of your possessions better.**

_I know you have it, Potter. Give it to me._

**You have no proof.**

How about the fact that it's tucked behind your ear! 

**Oh, you want THAT?**

YES! 

**Ohhh… No.**

WHY NOT! 

**Because you're getting mad, and you look so pretty when you're mad.**

_Please, Potter. I'm not in the mood for any of your stupid jokes._

**Who says I'm joking?**

_Just give me my wand back._

**Sure. If you tell me who you like.**

WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW! 

**Call it curiosity.**

_Curiosity killed the cat._

**And satisfaction brought it back. No one ever seems to remember that last bit.**

_Well, too bad, kitty. You're going to die._

**Hm, that's too bad. I suppose I'll go on without knowing. It's your wand at stake, after all, not mine.**

If you don't give that back, I swear to God, I'll… 

**You'll what? Tell on me?**

_Yeah._

**Weak. You'll have to think of something better. You can't curse me, jinx me, or otherwise hurt me, obviously.**

_Yes, I can. Physical._

**You wouldn't dare. It would tarnish your precious image and reputation.**

_Please. You already did that last night at dinner._

**Hardly.**

_People were laughing. _

**Yes, but it really wasn't that big of a deal.**

_PEOPLE WERE LAUGHING._

**Yes, but if they weren't?**

_Then, frankly, I wouldn't care._

**But if you punched, slapped, scratched, kicked, or sacked me, then your good girl image would be tarnished. **

_If it means getting my wand back, I don't care. And I am fully prepared to sack you._

**Fine, fine, I'll give you your wand back.**

_Thank you._

**Now tell me who you like.**

_NO! FOR THE LAST SODDING TIME, NO!_

**Temper, temper. Well, are you going to ask them to the ball, at least?**

_I guess you'll just have to wait and see, won't you?_

**Waiting is so tiresome. I'm not asking WHO now, I'm just asking if the guy who is escorting you to the ball is likely to be your crush.**

_Depends on if he says yes or not._

**So you ARE asking him then.**

_I never said that._

**You insinuated it.**

_Whatever._

**Alright, I'm going to see if Snape remembered to put up his Shield Charm. The area around him seems less shimmery.**

_Good riddance to you._

**Love you too, Lils.**

_Sod off._

For those of you curious, Snape did NOT have his Shield Charm up.

God, I hate Potter.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for your reviews:D Even though there weren't a ton, hint hint every review is appreciated.

Alright, I know this takes place during their 4th year, which is, obviously, the year before Harry looked at them through Snape's memory. I'm pretending that either that never happened, or they broke up and James realized the error of his ways and tried to get Lily to go out with him again. You can choose, whichever you prefer, because unless I completely lose my mind and choose to go from October of 4th to about June of 5th or later, I'm not going to fill in the blanks there.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Diary of Lily Evans

October 21, 1974 

Thank goodness it's Friday. I love Fridays. Well, actually, no, I don't. I love the end of Fridays. I can stay up until the wee hours of the morning and not having to worry about getting up to attend classes. I could sleep until 3 in the afternoon on Saturday if I was so inclined.

Also, today is great so far. You know why? It is an absolutely, 100 Potter-free day. Hallelujah and praise the Lord!

So far I've had Herbology and Charms. Herbology is great. Very relaxing. Except for when the plants are trying to maim you. But, as far as people go, there's no one to annoy me or distract me, and even if there was, everyone's so busy with their own plant that they haven't got any time to piss you off.

Then, there's Charms, which, of course, is my best subject. And Sirius is in there, but he doesn't really bother me much. He's too busy purposely exploding things for kicks, and blaming it on his ineptitude. And hitting on girls. Basically he's preoccupied.

And Amy has pretty much left me alone today, which is good and bad at the same time. Good, in the sense that she doesn't pester me. Bad, in the sense that I'm by myself. No one likes being alone. Well, maybe some people do. But I don't. Pretty much the only way to keep myself preoccupied at breaks is to read. Ugh. I like reading, but reading for an HOUR on a Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook! Yeah, DADA. I have it in the next block, so I was carrying around it with me. It was either that or Arithmancy.

Anyways, I'm going to wander around for awhile and try and consider what I'm going to do about this whole Remus situation.

Later 

I know I've said this about 10 million times, but I really will kill James Potter someday.

"What did he do now", you may be asking. Or, at least you WOULD be, if you were a person and not a book filled with empty pages. Anyways.

I was outside, walking around the grounds, and people-watching. Suddenly I couldn't move, and fell over. I tried to scream but obviously, can't move. I was thinking 'Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, someone's going to kill me." I know, not the most rational thing, especially at somewhere as safe as Hogwarts, but someone has suddenly petrified me, and I assumed the worst. Well, actually, what happened next WAS the worst. Someone's shadow falls over me. I can't move my head, and I can't see who it is. Then, they speak.

"Why, fancy meeting you here, Evans."

Oh, God.

Sodding POTTER. Anyways, all I can do is growl with my mouth closed (which, by the way, sounds like some kind of funny gargling) and glare at him (luckily, my eyelids can move… otherwise my eyes would get REALLY dry). He continues on, "I really didn't want to have to resort to this, Evans, but you've made it rather difficult to correspond with you." I was thinking, being nice would've worked, you sodding arse… "So," He says, "I'm going to take this off of you. But, I'm going to petrify your legs. And tie up your hands. And we're going to talk like civilized adults." So, then he has the nerve to FLIP ME OVER, yank my hands behind my back, tie them up, and flip me back over. Then, he runs about 2 meters away (I guess so I can't immediately kill him), does the counter curse for total body bind, and then before I can struggle to get up (I was still tied up and lying down… hands are vital for getting up.), does the leg bind.

"I'M GOING TO SODDING KILL YOU, POTTER! UNBIND ME RIGHT NOW, YOU EVIL, EVIL SON OF A-" I scream at the top of my lungs.

"Language, language, Miss Evans. We wouldn't want Gryffindor to lose any precious points, would we?" He cuts me off before I can say exactly what he's the son of.

"You'll lose more than that if you don't untie and unbind me right now," I threaten. I meant it, too. I'd make sure that he never had children. Ever.

"What happened to talking like civilized adults?"

"Somehow, when I imagine a civilized, adult conversation, one person isn't tied up."

"Depends on what your definition of 'adult' is."

Ew. "Get your mind out of the gutter, Potter."

"Who said it was in it? I was just stating that being an adult doesn't necessarily mean being mature. I think if anyone's mind is in the gutter, it's yours."

"Bull."

"So, I'd like to have a little chat with you about something."

Why am I being punished with this? "Uuuurgh… Potter, please, just let me go."

"After you answer a very simple little question of mine."

"What?"

"Who do you like?"

"FOR GODS SAKE, POTTER, LEAVE IT ALONE!"

"It's not that difficult of a question!"

"WHY WON'T YOU JUST FORGET ABOUT IT!"

"Because I'm curious. Is that such a crime?"

"No, but kidnapping someone is!"

"This isn't kidnapping."

"Then let me go."

"No."

"Kidnapping."

"If you'd just tell me, I wouldn't have to kidnap you!"

"If you would just mind your own business, I wouldn't have to tell you!"

"Please, no one minds their own business."

"Well, maybe you should be the first one."

"Just tell me."

"No!"

"Is he in our year?"

"Leave me alone!"

"Is he in Gryffindor?"

"Bugger off!"

"He better not be in Slytherin."

"GO AWAY!"

"Just tell me a little hint, and I'll let you go, I swear!"

"You'd let me go if I told you a hint?

"Yes."

"On your life?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die."

"I hope you would, too."

"Love you too, Lils."

"Bugger off."

"So are you gonna tell me the hint or what?"

"Yes."

"…I'm waiting."

"Alright. The hint is… You know him."

"Define know."

"You know him."

"Know as in see occasionally, or talk to sometimes, or are friends with, or are best buds with, or what?"

"You know him."

"Well, that's hardly a hint."

"Let me go."

"That wasn't a hint!"

"Yes, it was!"

"It was a shoddy hint!"

"It was still a hint!"

"Fine! Christ…"

He untied my hands and darted away before I could strangle him. And started walking away.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING!" I shrieked after him.

"I'm not stupid! I'm getting a head start. I don't want to die, you see," He called back, and waved his wand. Suddenly my legs could move again. I darted up and started running faster than I ever have run after him. He's fast, but I'm just as fast, and seeing as how I was seething mad, I was faster. Right now, he's in the hospital wing. I kneed him so hard in the groin that he nearly passed out. And then slapped his face. I got 50 points taken away from Gryffindor, but it was bloody worth it.

Later 

Potter appeared in the middle of DADA, my last class of the day (walking bowlegged, I might add). Unfortunately, Amy had ditched me to sit with Sirius, hoping that Remus might sit beside me, but she forgot about the Peter factor. This meant that there was only one empty seat in the entire class, and it was next to me.

He sat down next to me stiffly, and I got ready for a half hour of ceaseless tormenting. I thought for sure he was going to piss me off more than he had ever, but he just ignored me for the entire class. It was rather odd. I felt kind of… unfulfilled. Usually I walk out of that class angry and full of unspent energy, but this time I just walked out normally. It was a really odd change.

For the rest of the day, at supper, in the common room, even when I had to share a table with him in the library, he ignored me. Didn't even look at me. I felt like screaming at him for not acting normal.

Also, I started to feel guilty. Really, really guilty. By the time I went to bed, I felt like the lowest piece of scum to ever roam the face of the Earth.

Augh. I hate my conscience.

_October 22, 1974_

Alright, this is killing me. I can't stand this guilt anymore. I have to go apologize to him.

_Later_

I apologized. He just stared at me with this kind of haunted look in his eye, and left. I felt like crying. And not because of what he did. It was what I did.

_Later_

I talked with Remus about it. Purely un-crush related. He seemed like the most sound-headed of James' troupe, and the most likely to not tell James that I had talked to Remus unless I asked him to.

He said that he was worried about James, too. He hadn't ever acted like this before, according to Remus. He seemed frustrated, irrational, and fidgety until the… encounter with me, and then he had just seemed… empty. I told Remus that I had tried apologizing to him, and he just stared at me. Remus said that yeah, that was the empty thing he was talking about.

He had this… theory… but… I don't want to think about it, or I might start believing it.

I asked him to tell James that I was really sorry, and that I was worried about him. I figure the 'worried about him' thing should snap James out of his funk. I mean, we're supposed to hate each other. You don't worry about people you hate unless it's really serious.

Aren't Saturdays supposed to be relaxing? Today has been more stressful than ANY weekday has ever been.

REVIIIIIIIEW


End file.
